Uberbrodt.net

I’m waiting for the day when we live in a postmodern society, and my addiction to internet kiddie porn will be accepted in the name of embracing the multiplicity of identities.

–Anon.

So here’s the scoop:  Anyone remember the Anthrax attacks of 2001?  The ones that happened the week after 9/11 and mailed by Saddam Hussein and Hitler?  Well, turns out that they were actually sent by a US Bio-Weapons researcher that committed suicide on Tuesday, before the Justice Department could indict him.

Now, I don’t mean to go all tin-foil hat on this one, but seriously?  The weird part is that no one is even trying to explain why this guy would send those letters in the first place!  Nevermind the doubt that should be cast on the people working in our bio-weapons programs!  Next thing you know, we’re all going to be fighting off the living dead that have escaped from some government research lab, where jimmy the janitor accidentally coats his pizza with ‘zombie-virus’ mislabeled as Parmesan cheese.  It would actually go a lot like this.

Follow this to be freaked out more by the Bush Administration

Just a quick post to get my Technorati Profile rolling.  I signed up for the thing 3 years ago, and haven’t used it since.  Who knows, perhaps it will make me internet famous one day.

This also gives me the chance to call out Mike for his pretentious use of a ordinal date system recycling every year on his blog timestamps.  This code should alleviate the ambiguity and un-Americanism somewhat

Protecting our Western notions of time

*So I went to the movies this weekend.  First off, I want to clearly state that I didn’t want to go to this movie.  I’m not an ABBA fan (though they have catchy songs in the way that lots of bad groups/singers have catchy songs), nor am i that into musicals.  But I do enjoy them from time to time, so I had some hopes for Mamma Mia! Those were quickly dashed after seeing that the theater was full of 60+ year old women in tennis outfits, and a smattering of husbands looking uncomfortable.  If you ever catch a matinee on a Friday in Florida, this is what you will be faced with.  Or maybe it was because I was seeing the most shit-awful musical in the history of man kind, that shamelessly panders to the 45+ women demographic so much that I was indignant

Now, I haven’t seen the actual Broadway production, which may or may not be an improvement.  But if it follows in some way the story that I saw on Friday, then you shouldn’t see it.  If you’re an ABBA fan, then you should probably just drink wine coolers and listen to the cd with your girlfriends.  You will probably spend less and become tipsy, the latter being essential to enjoying ABBA in the first place.

Anyways, the story has something to do with getting married, having three dads (one of which is Pierce Brosnan), and the Greek islands.  Also, about being an older woman and still wanting to bone guys.  And…Pierce Brosnan. Probably the least talented of the singers in the film, I actually found him to be the most compelling and likable actor in the film.  Does that make me sexist?  In fact, I thought the three ‘dads’ were the only characters that had real, compelling performances.  It’s perhaps a cruel twist of fate that a movie so targeted towards the older woman demographic falls flat in terms of woman performances.

So the moral of the story?  I’m slowly being emasculated and you should read Salon, not Slate.

* I was going to write a review of The Dark Knight, but somebody said that it was too long, and they were tired, but apparently when they have the day off and I’ve worked all day, the first thing they want to do is watch post-menopausal women cavort around to Swedish disco songs like Parkinson’s suffers on Adderall.  As terms of our settlement, she has to go see the Dark Knight and the new X-Files movie.

Well, I moved to Florida last week, and I’ve been settling in fairly well.  Bart and I had quite the adventure and it was super awesome to hang out with him.  I’m still missing a bunch of my stuff, and don’t have a desk for the compy and such yet, so I don’t feel fully moved in yet.  But, so far it has been interesting.  Let us do another list to give the lowdown on Florida

Don’t Ever go to New Orleans

It is a terrible place, where you will be robbed and spend 4 hours digging through trash cans looking for your identification so your girlfriend can Western Union you money.  Oh yeah, and people will give you funny looks and won’t talk to you because you look homeless, and homeless people won’t talk to you because you don’t have money.  Except for the guy who sleeps in the park and knifes people.  He’ll talk your damn ear off

It’s Really Hot in Florida

Like, really hot.  I mean, temperature wise, it’s actually cooler than Oklahoma.  But when you have 89% humidity at 8:30 in the morning, you pretty much know you did something offensive to God and he put you here to suffer

“The Sunshine State” is a ploy like naming Greenland “Greenland”

Yeah, it is sunny; while you’re at work.  Then, about 5:00pm, a thunderstorm roles in and makes it impossible to take advantage of warm sandy beaches or, you know, the SUN.  The only upside is that the humidity drops down to only 59%.

People are Crazy Here

Which is true elsewhere, from my observations.  On Thursday night, seeing as how I didn’t have work the next day and Billy had mailed me my passport so I could identify myself to appropriate agents, I went out to the bar by my lonesome to see what was going on in this “Florida".  Within a not-enough-time-to-be-nearly-drunk-enough-for-this-kind-of-thing-yet moment, I’m grabbed by a “lady of questionable morals who perhaps has an affection for ‘tinctures of excitability’” and told them I’m totally awesome and beautiful.

Now, seeing as I’m not one to question people with such impeccable judgment, I proceeded to follow her to ‘the club’, where I imbibed spirits and watched a seemingly endless array of attractive homosexual men grab each other by the naughty bits.  The purpose of this story is, really, to invite my friends of alternative sexualities to come get some ass, because there’s plenty of it.

Good Grocery Stores and Seafood

Publix is quite a good grocery, with what I can tell to be a fine assortment of cheeses and other gourmet items.  For a mere 6 dollars, you can get a sub that is at least 5 thousand times better then Subway.  Also, seafood is awesome.  You can get a dozen oysters for $6 (everyone costs $6 in Florida) and they are at least 5 million times better than an oyster procured in Oklahoma (I’ve only had oysters in Florida and Oklahoma, so I’m not really an expert here.  Sorry?).

Liqour

I’ve finally thrown off the yoke of ‘non-intoxicating beverages’ and embraced full point Miller Highlife.  It’s like falling in love all over again.  Wine can be purchased at both groceries and gas stations, at seemingly all hours.  I haven’t really figured out how buying Whisky works yet, because we tried at one store and it was closed, but then we went across the street to a bar that is also a liquor store and bought some.   Which, by the way, is completely awesome.

That’s really most of what I’ve discovered about Florida.  I’ve been pretty much broke because all of my money and credit cards were stolen, so until I get paid on Friday, I won’t be able to have very more adventures.  We might go to Universal Studios this weekend.  I’ll wave hi to the tard they feed liquor and dress up as Shrek for everyone while I’m there.